“Dear Doc,
I want to ‘fix’ my family member or the predicament that they are in… yet again.”
We have received numerous requests over time regarding well-meaning relatives (mothers, fathers, grandparents, siblings, etc) who are “worried to death” or “at their wits end” about wanting to ‘fix’ another family member who is “down and out” or “in trouble” or “in jail” or “in an abusive/dysfunctional relationship”. The common denominator in each situation is that one person is spending far too much time and creative energy in a state of frantic worry about a circumstance that they did not create… much like a hamster running in an exercise wheel spinning furiously yet going nowhere fast. Often the ‘Fixer’ relative is quite frankly more worried about the situation at hand than the person who is “needing to be fixed”.
These ‘Good Samaritan’ relatives tend to be motivated to ‘fix’ their family member’s problem out of one of these underlying components of fear: guilt, shame, anger, resentment, fear of abandonment, or fear of being judged ‘unlovable’ if they don’t rescue their loved one from their own life creation. Many times the ‘Do-Gooder’ has tried to solve the problem(s) of their ‘loved one’ by throwing money at it… only to have [Read more…] about The Family Fixer: “I Want to Fix My Loved One or Their Situation”
