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Welcome to 7 Abundance Hacks Strategy 2: Define Yourself with Dr. Tracy Latz and Dr. Marion Ross from shiftyourlife.com. Learn how to stop self-sabotage of How you Define Your Self. Learn to improve self-esteem!
Today, we’re going to look closely into how we all define ourselves. That’s a really big question. Who are we anyway? There are a lot of different ways to look. You can look within or without to decide Who We Are.
Are we winners? Are we losers? Are we what we do? Are we who we are in these bodies? Are we French, American, Canadian, or Asian? Are we our religion or faith? Wars have been waged over this.
What about our education? Which middle school did you go to? Which university did you go to? Did you go to Business School?
Are we our possessions? How big is my car? How big is your car? Social status? Politics? Physical attributes? Do blondes really have more fun?
Age—are we old? Are we young? Are we middle-aged? Are we sick? Are we well? What’s our state of health at any given moment? I don’t know.
Are you a Charlotte Hornet? Am I a Chicago White Sox fan? It makes no difference. But people do define themselves by their sports teams.
Are you a parent? Are you married? Are you divorced?
What pools all of these is our ego. It’s how we define ourselves very frequently.
Why do we define ourselves that way? Well, we’re trained like that. We’re shaped by society, by the media, by our parents, by our teachers, by our educational institutions, by religious figures, and culture in general.
What do we do? We identify with everything that we are not. We internalized this false perception of reality and eventually accept it as our own. What does this create? It creates a sense of separation, a sense of lack of unity, as we perceive ourselves to be in competition for limited resources.
So we grow up and start looking out. Our society has completely perfected it to the art of distraction of looking out. We’ve gone from being heart-centered as children to becoming fear-based as adults. Often, it takes a crisis in our lives to cause our attachments to be wrenched from our grasp and to strip our ego, to force us to begin to look within.
Meditation is a great way to start looking within. But it’s not so easy for all people. I don’t happen to have a Lotus Flower at home. It took me a long time to learn to meditate without one. But even I did learn. We’ve taught courses in meditation—even “Meditation for People Who Can’t”.
Actually everyone can meditate. What you think meditation is, isn’t necessarily what meditation is. What is meditation? It’s an issue of being very much aware actually, mindfully of what’s going on outside of you and inside of you.
It doesn’t have to be sitting like this Guru-looking guy on the lotus. It can be a moving meditation. It could be a walking meditation. It could be just a breathing meditation following your breath. There are so many different ways to get out of your thoughts. I think that’s basically what it is—just to get out of all that flood of chatter in your head. Find some peace within.
The whole point of this Abundance Hack is getting people to understand more of who they truly are. With a quiet mind, you can really connect with who you are rather than all this physical stuff that we believe is Who We Are.
We believe we’re this body, or our thoughts and our emotions, or all the stuff we have. When we do that, we really limit our awareness of how wondrous the world really is. How we are part of this whole field of the universe. How we truly manifest within it, when we draw back our bow like we talked about in the previous session.
We’re all connected. As Tracy said, we’re connected through this big field of energy. What we do when we try to define ourselves through our possessions, through our body, through a multitude of things that we’ve learned over time is create separation. You create a sense that you never belong or you only belong if you’re within your small tribe.
So we’re going to talk about Who Am I in a much, much deeper level, without any of the distraction, without any of the labels. Mindfulness meditation is a great way to do it. It’s an old Buddhist way to meditate. It’s thousands of years old. The Chinese were doing mindfulness as well.
We have online courses that last about five weeks on nothing but learning how to Awaken Your Awareness through mindfulness meditation. Today we’re just giving you a small piece where you connect with Who You Are.
You can do it in one of two ways. You can either pair up with a partner, or you can do it by yourself.
When you pair up with the partner you look into their eyes, and you say, “Who are you?” And then whatever comes out comes out. So I look into Marion’s eyes very deeply, and I say, “Who are you?”
I’m a doctor. I’m a lawyer. I’m an Indian chief. I’m a mother. Yes. But Who Are You really? I’m a spirit in a body. I’m a tennis player.
What you do is you keep asking the person or have another person ask you over and over. Get the person to take it deeper. Take it levels deeper until they really hit the core of who they truly are.
Now another way to do this mindfulness meditation is to actually sit in front of a mirror. I tell people to do this not with bright blaring lights on because many people will look at it and they’ll say, “I look so wrinkled.” Or they’ll start focusing on physical attributes. The point of this meditation is to look deeply into your own eyes.
Ask your own self, “Who am I?” If you do it in a mirror where maybe you only have candlelight around, this can be a very profound experience because it will go deeper and deeper. When you take the time to just be present with your own self.
What’s your experience been with this, Marion? Candlelight is very, very helpful. You look in the mirror with a candle. You just go, “Who am I?” You have all the blah, blah coming out first. You just have to go through the layers of being whatever you think you are. Start feeling. Then you have to connect with your heart.
The first thing you have to do is blah, blah your way out of your chatter, all that head talk that you’ve got. It’s all the training that we’ve had since kindergarten. This is Who We Are. Then you go deeper when you’re in your heart. You start feeling Who You Are instead of Thinking Who You Are, and that’s when the magic starts.
So I would recommend that everyone do it. It’s not easy to do. It’s very, very tough especially for someone like me who is very left-brained. But once you get out of the chatter and into the heart, you can start revealing who you are without fear. There’s really nothing to fear. You are Who You Are.
Another thing that people have trouble with is looking at themselves in the mirror and looking into their own eyes. How often do people look into their own eyes? They look at their makeup. They look at their nose. They look at their hair. They never look deeply into their own eyes. So don’t be afraid to do it. There’s nothing to be afraid of. This is who you really are. You’re going to find out how beautiful you are. You’re not going to find out how flawed you are. I promise you that. It seems very simple but it’s very profound.
We’d like to have you experience your True Essence. What is your True Essence? Your True Essence is what many people refer to as your higher self—the soul if you will. It is the aspect of you that knows your purpose, knows where you’ve been, and where you’re going. It’s there supporting you at every moment. You’re not usually in touch with your True Essence. So this is to help connect you with who you truly are.
Find a comfortable position. Sitting, standing, or laying down. Get comfortable. Now close your eyes and take three slow deep breaths.
With each breath, breathe in gold and white light. Feel that light entering into your lungs traveling into your bloodstream and from there, journeying to every cell, atom, and molecule in your body.
As you exhale, feel yourself releasing any negativity that is within you. Until eventually, you are completely filled with light. And exhaling light out into the room. Sense the room filling with light.
Now see or sense yourself standing outdoors in a peaceful place that you know well. Feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Immerse yourself in the sights, sounds, and sense of this serene place and nature.
Up ahead is a beautiful path of light. Feel yourself stepping onto this path of light. Feel yourself lifting higher and lighter, lighter and freer, freer and lighter. Gently spiraling upward until you find yourself arriving at a gateway.
This is the entryway to your personal paradise. The Garden of your True Essence. Continue on this path of light passing through the gate. Notice the wondrous, abundant garden filled with tranquility, peace, and love. Be aware of all the beauty. As you continue to follow the path, it winds around a turn that you cannot yet see beyond. You wonder what is ahead.
Continue to follow the path. As you round the turn, you are awed at the panoramic scene that stands before you. There is a vast and breathtaking sea extending out into the horizon. It draws you to the water’s edge. Feel the healing ocean breeze as it caresses you. Breathe in the healing gentle wind and feel yourself completely relaxing.
Now call your name three times silently from the center of your heart, beckoning to your True Essence to come forward. Watch as your True Self appears in the distance on the beach and slowly walks towards you. Your True Essence appears to you in its most enlightened form.
Observe the feet of your True Self as he or she stands before you. Notice every detail as you slowly lift your gaze upward until eventually, you are looking directly into the eyes of your own True Essence. Feel the beauty of your True Essence and become aware of the qualities that make your True Self who they are. You are gazing into your own soul. The Essence of who you truly are.
Feel your True Self place their hands of light upon your heart. Feel your own True Essence reawakening your qualities and innate gifts that have been long forgotten. Sense those abilities and qualities flowing into you. Feel the completeness as you recognize and remember who you really are. Look deep into the eyes of your true self. Feel their absolute acceptance and unconditional love for you exactly as you are right now.
Your True Self puts their arms around you. And gently holds you. Feel yourself letting go completely in the arms of your True Self. Now feel your True Essence merge with you. Feel the Oneness. Feel the power. Feel the healing that comes with the unity.
When you feel that you are ready to return to your physical world, feel yourself stepping once again on to the Path of Light, taking with you all of your reawakened gifts and abilities. So that you may express them in your life and in the world. Place your hand on your heart and feel your love and strength knowing that there is nothing that you cannot accomplish.
When you feel yourself fully present in this room, fully present in your body, take a slow deep breath. As you exhale, gently open your eyes. Take a few minutes after that meditation just to let yourself integrate. It’s a pretty profound one, and you may have to do it a few times.
Now we’re going to do another exercise called Becoming Aware of Your True Qualities.
So we all have names. My name is Marion, okay, M – Marvelous, Magnificent. You find a great quality or word corresponding to each letter of your name. What you’re going to do is write down on a piece of paper your name. With each letter down the left-hand side vertically. For instance, if your name were Robert. You would write:
R
O
B
E
R
T
For each letter, you choose the qualities you want for change. I mean, we usually focus on the negative. We’re very judgmental of ourselves.
In this exercise, you’re going to open your heart for yourself. You’re actually going to focus on the most positive aspects of who you are. So for each letter of your name, you are to come up with three words that are positive qualities for you. It can’t be in a judgmental way.
Tracy, what are T’s? Terrific, Talented, Truthful. Marion? I told you already, Magnificent, Magical. It is so very hard to do for yourself. There’s no question. Open your heart and search because it’s a very worthwhile exercise to change the way you start looking at yourself.
The more you practice it, the better you get. It’s like looking in the mirror to ask Who You Are. You need to get out of your head and into your heart. Open your heart for yourself and have a great deal of self-love to start nourishing your soul at this point.
Once you have written out three positive qualities, you become aware of your own self for each letter of your name. No cheating! They have to be different. If you have two O’s or two R’s like Robert, you can’t reuse. You can’t go to the dictionary either. So sit with it for a while.
Then what you do is for the next few days, every time you hear someone call your name, imagine that they’re calling out Radiant, Relevant, Resourceful instead of Robert. Embrace it. Own it. Step into it. Allow yourself to feel the qualities of that True Essence that you just met.
If you’re a mother or father or go by a title and people are always going “Mom” or “Dad,” then do this exercise with each letter of that.
Another wonderful exercise to do is to acknowledge your joys and blessings. Actually, before I get out of bed in the morning—and I tell this to patients—it’s not just thinking about five things you feel grateful for. It’s actually allowing yourself to feel five things you’re grateful for. Then people say, “I can’t even imagine what I need to do.” Well, when you open your eyes in the morning, be grateful that you have eyes that can see.
We all have something we’re grateful for. When you express this first thing in the morning you set the tone for the day. It can really change the whole perspective of your life or circumstance. If you can’t think of anything, if you’re one of those people, then tell yourself, “I know something wonderful will happen today.”
Even if you don’t quite feel it at first you can sit there. Don’t get out of bed. Say it again, “I know something wonderful will happen today.” Say it over and over until you get out of bed just saying it and you start feeling it. “I know something wonderful will happen today.” Then get out of bed and start your day with this expectancy that there is going to be something wonderful and magical in your day.
Living in wonder is a wonderful thing in and of its own. Just to be able to have the opportunity to live in wonder and wait for something. Be grateful for just having your senses. I talked about your eyes, your nose, your mouth, everything—to be able to speak, to sing, to look out on trees. To see nature, to see water, to see everything, to see your loved ones. It’s a marvelous thing when you’re in the mindset that everything is a blessing.
When you’re going through your day and you’re not feeling so well, you feel a little anxious. Put your hands on your heart. Take a few deep breaths into your Heart Center. Just be grateful for those breaths—for the in breath, for the exhalation. Feel it. Get yourself into presence, being present in the moment to be able to feel it, to be able to express gratitude for it.
It’s so important to feel your heart beating. There’s always something to be grateful for. It’s a question of where you want to place your awareness. Once again, where you focus your energy. That is the same direction in which you’re going to create. What this exercise does is get you to start practicing those positive intentions. Taking your thought to those positive, joyful, job-like areas.
We’re glad you joined us for this session. Much of what we teach here we take even deeper in our book “Bye-Bye Self-Sabotage!” Our meditations are all there as well. We have some CDs with those meditations. We have a membership site. We’d love it if you would take a look into it because it is awesome.
Check us out at shiftyourlife.com. If you found this helpful, you might check out Hack 1 Center Your Emotions ! Or you can move along to Hack 3 Find Your Power