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Isn’t it funny how many of us feel guilty whenever we do something nurturing for our self or feel like we are doing something wrong when we put our self first? Many of us feel selfish when we even think of our self before anyone else. Why do we do this? And how do we get out of this pattern?
It seems sometimes like we “give” so much to others – even to our own detriment – that eventually we get resentful that no one does the same for us. Many people who are terribly compassionate to others (to the point of martyrdom) or who have a desire to please others to be liked tend to fall prey to this a great deal of the time if they are not careful. How can we say no to others? Aren’t we taught that we should “Do unto others as we would have others do unto us?” How about “You are your brother’s keeper”? Yikes!
It is important to have AS MUCH love and compassion for your self as you have for anyone else. Otherwise you will be out of balance. When you realize that you are but a reflection of the other person AND that they are a reflection of you, then you begin to see that – if you do not have compassion for your self in a given situation – you really do not have compassion for anyone else anyway (since you are a reflection of them!).
What about when we feel that others do not show us the love or respect we think they should be showing us? We can’t change anyone else or live anyone’s life for them… we can only change our own self (our perceptions) and be a role model. How about modeling a little self-love so that others can begin to show us the reality (as a mirror) that is our intention? Remember that we are powerful creators in our own life. Once we sent our love out for our own self BALANCED with the love that we send out for others, then we will begin to attract to us people, relationships and situations that reflect mutual love, respect and compassion.
How cool would that be?!!!
Loads of Love and Light to you all! And to us too! 🙂
Tracy Latz, M.D. (a.k.a. “The Shift Doctor”)
-For information on “The Shift Doctors” and their books, CDs, videos, seminars and other articles see their website at www.shiftyourlife.com
Very well said.
We teach people how to treat us by showing them how we treat ourselves. If the people you are around you always see you putting yourself last, they are going to put you last. That’s not to say it’s intentional, but we pick up things subconsciously when we are not present in the moment to see them consciously and those subconscious messages stick.
Show yourself love and respect and compassion and others will be more likely to see that you indeed are deserving of those things – and we all are.
You are so right, Mark. We have such a profound effect on what and whom we attract into our life daily. The external world will most often mirror to us something that we are also creating within our own self…. it is the true meaning of “Be the change that you wish to see in the world” or “Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me”.
Loads of Light,
Great post. One of the best expositions of this topic (for me) is in the Potent Self by Moshe Feldenkrais. I try to read it every so often. It’s a tricky beast. Still deal with it myself, from time to time….
More I could say, but on my way out the door…
I haven’t read that, Ryan. I will definitely have to check it out.
I am just learning how true this is – after a long illness. Instead of putting others first, I hasve learned to listen to my body and what it needs. Lets hope the attraction follows!
How do we deal with bullies & haughty persons?
Bullies and haughty persons also act as mirrors to us. Perhaps we have a sense of either being powerless or we may be walking around in our own bullying energy – either as a bully to others or as a bully to our own self. In either situation, we would attract to us someone who would assist us with taking a look at the faulty belief that “I must kill or be killed”; we will then either experience being the “abuser” or being the “victim” until we challenge the belief and transform it.
Loads of Light to you,
can you please expalin what you mean that we are a reflection of the other person?
“All are One – and One are Many”. We all are connected via the spiritual realm in that we are all spiritual energetic beings expressing through (animating) our physical bodies. We are all thus reflections of one another. Whatever I do to you, I ultimately also am doing to my self. And that which you do to me or for me you ultimately are doing for your own self. When we each truly ‘get’ this, then we do not buy into our fear-mongering thoughts generated from our ego monkey-mind. If I live in fear, then I will end up attracting to me that which I ultimately fear. When I learn to choose compassion based thoughts, then I enter a peaceful, more heartfelt existence in which I attract to my self people and circumstances that reflect that state of compassion, abundance, peace and joy.